workplacevoices

I have just finished reading a great book entitled The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book and although there are lots of books out there dealing with this topic, this one is short, practical and full of great tips. It took me about 3 hours focused reading time. What really came home for me our complexity as humans and the importance of what I learned years ago in high school biology class, that genotype+environment = phenotype and it’s how we show up in the world that really impacts our success, regardless of our intelligence. We all know smart people who are lacking in social skills and vice versa!

According to the authors Bradberry & Greaves, emotional intelligence is a combination of self awareness, self management, social awareness, and relationship management. and as I think about that in the context of my own experience, it is absolutely true. The importance of understanding and managing ourselves and all our foibles, triggers and idiosyncrasies is crucial to navigating our career and life journey. How often do we get caught up in the moment without stopping to consider the impact of our behaviour or decisions on those around us? Does it always have to be personal? What would it take to take a step back, notice what’s going on just as if you were watching through a window, and then ask yourself, ” If I was a fly on the wall, what would I think, say or feel?”

So, have a read of the book and check out your EQ on line. Perhaps one by one we can change the work world!

Having worked with so many groups and individuals over the years the one thing I have learned is that people need to a voice in the workplace, and that they are being heard.

How many times have you been in a situation in the workplace where you felt unable to speak up, slighted, or that your opinion was not valued? How did it feel?

I believe we really have to focus on listening to one another and understand there is a difference between listening and hearing.

Here is some food for thought courtesy of the great thinker, leader, and change agent Margaret Wheatley from her book Turning to One Another – simple onversations to restore hope to future in

“I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again. Simple honest, human conversation. Not mediation, negotiation, problem-solving, debate, or public meetings. Simple, truthful conversation where we each have a chance to speak, we feel heard, and we each listen well.”

So, what needs to shift so that we can create safe spaces where people can say what needs to be said without fear of ridicule or retribution?

Trust and fear seem to be inseparable partners in the workplace. Trusting that one can move forward without fear of retribution, ridicule, or redundancy appears to be a strong theme I am experiencing at the moment.  What is feeding this insidious and infectious dis-ease? What has shifted that is causing people to feel they can no longer speak up or show up for who they really are? What would make them believe that being honest and sharing genuine, deep-seated concerns, would result in them losing their jobs? I am both puzzled and concerned, because in not feeling safe to speak up about the real, the tough, the things that have deep meaning for us, or that have potential to significantly impact those around us, we run the risk of harming self and others.

In holding back, we might think we are protecting ourselves when in actual fact we are merely kidding ourselves. We just end up living the lie of pretending we don’t care or that it doesn’t matter, when it matters so deeply we become ill. We become boxed in and afraid to move forward. We are paralyzed.

In holding back, we might find ourselves witnessing the unfolding of  a tragedy, as in the the case of the Challenger disaster, when courageous conversation may result in an different outcome.

In holding back, we limit our freedom to choose, as well as the freedom and choice of those with whom we need to engage.

I am curious to know how many of you have spent large chunks of time dancing around issues at work, worried about addressing an issue with someone for fear of your personal safety? A bit strong I hear you say -  I don’t think so because that seems to be a significant issue for many people I interact with! I am not talking about how you get to your car after work or working late in the office on your own, I mean being in an environment where it is safe enough to be authentic and vulnerable.

One instance sticks in my mind of an experience many years ago working on a team with a domineering manager. We would all sit in meetings where everyone was too afraid to say anything because we never knew what the reaction would be. The behaviors were so unpredictable, and the reactions so fierce, that we all preferred to stay quiet even though we had lots of ideas. We had developed group submissiveness and just like dogs we lay on our backs and stuck our legs in the air! Rather that than be at the mercy of violent language, and erratic, uncontrollable behavior, we kept quiet.

Today has anything really changed? My experience is that many people continue to be afraid to show up for who they really are for fear of backlash in terms of performance appraisals, promotions, managerial retribution, and the underground employee police!

Everyday I come across people in the workplace who are challenged by those they work with. Sometimes it’s related to personality, sometimes it’s workload, and sometimes it’s not feeling safe to have a voice for fear of retribution, or of not being heard. I hope this blog will serve as a venue to explore what is going on in the workplace, gather stories, and unravel the complexities behind what needs to shift.

I thought I would share with you the rationale behind choosing this photograph, which was taken in Easter Island, as my blog header. As I looked at these statues, I saw a couple of things that really resonated with me.

First, the stunned fearful even look on their faces, as they look above, and second their long ears!

How often are we in situations in the workplace where we are shocked by what we hear, or someone thinks of us, or fearful of what is being decided on our behalf, or by what we are being asked to do? As well, how often do we really feel that we are heard? Wouldn’t it be great if just for once someone took the time to listen to what we were actually saying?